


Drawn From Memory

by Mareel



Series: Always [30]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Art, Canada, Destroy Ending, Family, Food, Home, Kaidan Alenko's Father - Freeform, Love, M/M, Memories, Orchard, Post-Canon, Post-Mass Effect 3, Romance, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-07
Updated: 2015-10-07
Packaged: 2018-04-25 03:21:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4944796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mareel/pseuds/Mareel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What the heart wants...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drawn From Memory

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place at the Alenko family orchard in British Columbia, eight months after the end of the Reaper War. It's the first full day of Kaidan and John's visit there.

 

"Hey, sleepyhead!"

Without opening my eyes, I reach for the warm weight next to me on the bed. 

"Looks like you slept pretty well."

Expecting to touch smooth skin, the feel of soft cloth makes it finally register that he's not in bed with me, but sitting next to me on the edge of it. 

When I finally do open my eyes, it's full daylight, the sun pouring in through the open curtains. It takes me a moment to remember where I am, whose bed this is.

"Kaidan, you should have waked me earlier."

"No way. You needed the sleep. And when you're sleeping easy, I can't bear to wake you."

He bends to kiss me and my arm finds its way around his neck. "I don't suppose you'd consider coming back to bed?"

He smiles against my lips but shakes his head. "If we were at home, I'd be there in a heartbeat... But Mom sent me to see if you'd like any breakfast."

"Besides you, I assume."

"You're insatiable. Don't ever change. I think she was talking about making pancakes, but really, whatever you like. I told her you'd probably want to grab a shower first."

I nod, stretching my leg before finally sitting up on the edge of the bed next to him.

"I'll wait here for you... and no, I'd better not join you this time."

"You're no fun at all this morning, Alenko. And you know what I'm going to say before I say it."

He kisses me again and smiles. "Sometimes."

That smile makes me think this shower might have to be a cold one.

______________________________

 

Towel wrapped around my waist, I rummage through the duffle for something to wear. 

"Jeans okay?"

"Sure thing. No big plans for the day. Just relaxing, unless you want to go for a walk or something later."

I pull on a t-shirt and my hoodie. Kaidan is sitting at a small desk near the window. I hadn't noticed it last night, but it's a hell of a nice view looking toward the orchard. He seems to be working on something. I move to stand behind him draping my arms over his shoulders and dropping a kiss into his hair. 

"Whatcha doing?"

He doesn't answer right away, suddenly busy with shuffling papers on the desk in front of him. And the tips of his ears have turned a little pink. Now I'm curious.

"Nothing much. Looks like Mom kept pretty much everything I had as a kid. I was looking in the desk drawer..."

After kissing the nape of his neck, I peer over his shoulder. "What did you find? Pencils?"

Kaidan sighs, turning to face me. "Yes... don't laugh. I found my old art supplies of all things. Nothing fancy... just some charcoal and colored pencils... An old dried up tin of watercolor paints. A sketchbook."

"I didn't realize you were an artist... that kind of artist. Not questioning your artistry in other areas."

"Oh? What other areas would that be?"

"Kiss me and I'll give you a chance to find out."

He does lift his face for a kiss... not the long lingering one I was hoping for, but it's a start. 

"I'm no artist, John. I used to sketch a little... just doodles, really. That was years ago. Before Jump Zero. Haven't drawn anything since then."

I shift a few papers on the desk, my suspicion confirmed by his hand instantly curling around my wrist, silently pleading not to look.

"Until this morning maybe? Can I see what you were working on?"

"It's nothing really... nothing any good. I was never good with drawing figures anyway. I used to try to sketch Max - my dog - and usually failed entirely unless he was asleep. I did better at trees, I guess."

I crouch down beside his chair, my hip protesting the sudden movement, and reach over to take his face between my hands. "Kaidan, you don't have to share anything you don't want to share. I was just teasing. I'm curious, because it's a side of you that's new to me and I want to know everything about you."

He turns his head to kiss one of my hands cupping his face. "I know. I guess I'm just embarrassed to have anyone else see my doodling. But you're not 'anyone else' so I should get used to the idea of sharing. I warn you though - it's nothing very good."

He reaches for the sketchbook he'd pushed under a stack of loose papers. Flipping it open, he turns to a page near the middle. "The earlier stuff is from when I was a kid... _this_ was from this morning."

I don't know a lot about art, but I recognize the sleeping figure he'd sketched. I didn't know I slept with an arm outstretched, but maybe that was because that's where he'd been sleeping earlier. It's not detailed, just a few strokes of charcoal to suggest the form beneath the sheet we'd slept under. My face is half-buried in the pillow, but that dark smudge is my hair... right down to the scar. And there's a surprising sensuality to it. The way the sheet drapes but doesn't really conceal the figure beneath it. 

"Kaidan... is that what I looked like to you?"

"Yeah. Pretty much. I didn't try to do much with features... the form of your body under the sheet fascinated me. The lines and angles and curves. I thought you were beautiful. And your arm... I don't know if I got that right. You were reaching for something."

" _Someone_. I was reaching for you, Kaidan."

"Yeah. Could be. Anyway, it was just to see if I could still draw anything at all."

"I like it. You'll keep it, right?"

"Probably. I don't rip out many pages. I used to like to see if I ever improved over time."

I shift a little and my hip protests, nearly unbalancing me. Kaidan is on his feet in a moment, reaching for me, helping me to get to my feet and then wrapping me in his arms.

"Do you want to sit down for a few minutes? Or can you manage the stairs to go down to breakfast?"

I flex the leg, trying to gauge whether I'd done any new damage to the hip. "I'll be okay. Just give me a couple minutes to work the cramp out of my leg."

He steers me toward the bed, urging me to lean back against the headboard as he lifts my leg into his lap, doing the muscle massage for me, his strong hands kneading and smoothing the cramp away. He used to do this for me in the hospital...

"I think it's good. You might have to lend an arm on the stairs though. Your mom probably thinks the worst of us for being so slow."

Kaidan huffs a small laugh. "I hope not. We'll explain that you needed to do your leg stretches. She'll be fine. But I'm hungry and there's bacon calling."

I take his arm and we negotiate the stairs together. "Wouldn't want to keep the bacon waiting>"

______________________________

 

"Did you get enough to eat, John?" 

Mom is poised to make another stack of pancakes, but John shakes his head. "I'm good. Haven't eaten this much breakfast since... well, maybe ever. Thank you."

I catch her quick smile, clearly pleased that John was enthusiastic about the pancakes. He seems to prefer them with her apple compote rather than maple syrup, but can't really go wrong either way. 

"What about you, Kaidan? Get your bacon fix for the day?"

"Almost, Shepard... wanted to leave some for you."

Mom begins gathering up the plates and shakes her head as I start to help clear the table. 

"I've got it, little one. Any plans for the day, you two?"

John looks at me with a shrug and a question in his eyes.

"Nothing specific, Mom. I thought we might take a walk over through the orchard at least. There must be harvest going on... we won't get in the way."

She nods, considering. "Not much happening this week. Just the last of the cherries – it was a small crop this year – and the peaches aren't quite ready. There are always a few early ripeners though. If you find some nice ones, maybe you could bring them back with you. They'd make a nice cobbler for dessert tonight." 

She hands me a canvas tote bag. I can roll it up and tuck it into a daypack until we need it.

"Wait... there's more food to come today?" Mom looks a bit taken aback before she catches the laugh in John's eyes and realizes he's teasing her.

"You'll be hungry again by dinner if you take a long walk. Have fun, both of you. I need to go into town to pick up a few things. I'll see you when we all get back."

______________________________

 

"Nice view, Kaidan."

Since I'm standing slightly behind him, I'm pretty sure he's actually referring to the scenery. I don't tell him that we took the long way to the orchard specifically for that view. 

"Yeah. You can see the whole valley from up here on a clear day like this."

"All those green hills... and is that a river over there in the distance?"

I move closer to him, shoulders touching. "Lake, actually, Lake Okanagan. But it's a long skinny one so it could look like a river from here. You'll get a much better look at it whenever we go into town, maybe tomorrow. It's up to you."

"Some of the hills look like they're covered with narrow ribbons of green. Like grapevines maybe?"

"There are some vineyards, but sometimes fruit trees are trained to grow branches along wires too... gives nice even exposure to the sun. We do it with some of the pears on the side of the hill." 

"I guess I always thought of an orchard being a flat piece of land with rows of trees. But you're talking to a spacer kid here, what would I know about it?"

"Some are. This part of the country is more rolling hills, so we take advantage of some microclimates in deciding what varieties to plant where."

Shepard smiles, shaking his head. "More surprises, Alenko. First I learn you're an artist... now you're a farmer." He leans in for a light kiss. "What else should I know about you?"

He's close enough for me to wrap my arms around his waist and pull him close. "Only that I love you."

We're all alone out here and his next kiss lingers. "I think I might have known about that one, but I never mind hearing it again."

Hands linked, we start walking down the winding road toward the first grove of pear trees. 

"Actually, there's one other thing you should know."

"And what's that?"

"I'm not really an artist _or_ a farmer. I just remember a little about both from growing up here. I used to come out here with my pencils sometimes, to try to sketch these hills and the orchard groves, But I don't think I ever really got it right."

He squeezes my hand and we walk along in silence. A glance at his face makes me think he has something on his mind. He doesn't keep me wondering for very long.

"Do you ever think about coming back here to help your mom manage the orchard? Since the war..." He stops walking abruptly and looks away from me before continuing. "Sorry. I didn't mean for it to sound like that... like your father wouldn't be coming back."

I reach out to cup his face, turning him back toward me. "It's okay, John. You can talk about him. It's better that way than tiptoeing around his absence. Mom is okay with it too. She'd probably love to talk about Dad to you. He was _her_ old soldier."

The worry lines between John's eyebrows fade a little. "Yeah. Maybe we'll get to talk sometime. I'd like to hear about him. I know she hasn't given up hope yet." He's still worried, chewing his lower lip. "I wish I knew some way to help."

"I know. Me too. I've checked every source I can access, even using Spectre codes... repeatedly. There's nothing. Nothing yet anyway. But there are still a hell of a lot of MIAs."

"I guess my question still stands, Kaidan. Do you ever think about wanting to live here again?"

I know the answer to that, but take a moment to find the right words. "No, not really. Don't get me wrong, I love this place. Love spending time here. And if Mom needs me to help out, you know I will. But it isn't really _me_ , you know?"

Taking a look all around me, I remember having a similar conversation with my father.

"Dad asked me the same thing not long before I decided to join the Marines. Said he could use a hand and I was always welcome. I dunno. I think even as he was asking he knew what I'd say."

"One of your talks over a beer in Vancouver?"

I can't help but smile, remembering. "Yeah, something like that. He worried about me, wanted me to know I had choices. But he and I both knew I was always looking up at the stars... or out over English Bay. I just wanted to be out there somewhere... making a difference."

"Yeah. I guess I'm not surprised. You were always drawn to the view from the starboard observation lounge on the _Normandy_. It seemed like you could find some kind of peace there. I kind of envied you that sometimes. I don't know... maybe the sea has the same effect."

"Maybe. I hadn't made that comparison. Could be." I think back to some of those times. "On the _Normandy_... you should have joined me there more often."

He shakes his head. "I didn't want to intrude."

I take his hand again, wrapping my fingers around his smaller hand. "Next time, join me."

______________________________

 

We continue our orchard tour, passing though the rows of pear trees, some trained on wires as I'd described to John earlier. When we reach the peach grove, I pull the canvas tote bag from my daypack. 

"Let's see if we can find Mom a few early peaches."

He watches me pick a couple and place them in the bag before approaching one of the other trees himself.

"How can you tell the ripe ones?"

"Look for a good blush of color. Then hold it in your hand and give it gentle squeeze. If it feels hard, it's not ready. When you find one that seems ripe, it should be easy to separate it from the stem... Sorry, probably too much detail."

"Can you tell by smell? This one smells amazing... and it doesn't feel hard."

"That's a good one. You can put it in the bag... okay, never mind." I smile as I watch him bite into what might be his first fresh peach. 

"This tastes as good as it smells. Here, Kaidan, try it... Take a bite."

Feeling his eyes on me, I take a careful bite... but not careful enough to keep juice from running down my chin. John brushes his fingertips across it, bringing them to his mouth, not willing to waste a drop of juice. 

"You're right... it's perfect." I hand the peach back to him and we continue to share it, alternating bites until it's almost gone. He holds the pit between two fingers as I nibble the last bits of fruit from around it. If I nibble at his fingertips too, well that can't be helped.

"We never got much fresh fruit in deep space. When we did it was usually citrus, or apples. They traveled well. Never things like peaches. 

"I wondered. That was a really good one. Let's see if we can find a few more just like it for Mom's dessert."

"Wait... Kaidan, you might still have some juice on your lips. Let me check..."

And just like that, he's kissing me in a way that makes it clear that he's not planning to stop. Opening to him, tasting the sweetness of the fruit on his tongue, I brush fingertips along his jaw and neck. He presses himself against me, his hand reaching around to squeeze my ass. 

"I've wanted you since I woke up this morning. Kaidan..."

After all the teasing, I need him just as much. Glancing around for something to brace against, I steer us toward the doorframe of an old basket storage shed. I don't even know if it's still in use, but I can lean against it as John continues to kiss my mouth and neck, his hands wandering. 

Widening my stance a little is enough encouragement for him to press a knee between my legs and find the contact he's seeking. He's hard already and I feel the heat through his jeans.

Slipping a hand between us, I manage to get those jeans unzipped and wrap my hand around him. I'm rubbing my thumb across his wet tip while he tugs at the buttons of my fly. One of us moans as our cocks finally rub against each other... could well be me, responding so strongly to his touch.

"Kaidan... god, don't stop..."

His hand joins mine to wrap around us both, squeezing as he grinds his hips against me. His breathing goes ragged and it's not long before he's shuddering and seeking my mouth again. I'm a little slower, but his hand is relentless and I moan against his lips as I come. 

My legs have gone a little shaky and he's supporting me now, his arms holding me against him as we both try to catch our breath. 

"That was... amazing. Confession time, Kaidan – it's a first for me... outdoors like this."

I kiss him again before adding an admission of my own. "Me too."

"Really? Surrounded by all _this_ and you never...?"

Shaking my head, I look away. He gently turns me back to face him and kisses me, softly this time. It makes me want to be open with him. "There was never anyone I wanted to be with here... until today."

He smiles, and I'm glad I told him. We've never talked much about our pasts. I know I'd told him about Rahna, but not much else. Not that there's much of any significance to tell, really. 

He bends to wipe his hands on a patch of grass before brushing a stray lock of my hair away from my forehead. "Now we'll need another shower before your mom gets home." 

I can't help but notice the phrasing. "You really _are_ insatiable."

He's working on pulling himself back together, reminding me that I should do the same. We're going to need a change of clothes too. 

"We'd better get some nice peaches before we head back to the house though. If we can avoid eating them all before we get home."

Shepard's smirk clearly says 'no promises'. We'll pick extra.

______________________________

 

"If your mom keeps feeding me like this, I'm going to need to find a gym." 

I laugh, finishing the last drops of my lager and popping open a new bottle. When John glances at the empty he's holding, I pass this one to him and find another for me.

We're sitting on the porch steps again. This time John chose the step below me so he can lean back between my knees. It's getting on toward midnight. Mom spent most of the evening out here with us, catching up on family things mostly. She just went in to go to bed, but I'm way too comfortable to move. 

"You and me both, John. Not used to eating this well." I reach over his shoulders to run my hands across his chest and abs. "I don't think you're in any danger... you feel pretty damn good to me." 

"You would say that... and I'm flattered. But seriously, it's been awhile since my last physical therapy session in London and all we've done for exercise is some walking. Damn leg... I'd love to go for a run."

Bringing my hands back up to his shoulders, I try to rub away the tension building up there. His hip is a constant irritant to him mentally, as well as being painful much of the time.

"Actually, I just thought of something that might help. Dad had a few pieces of exercise equipment and some free weights. He used to have a workout room in one of the outbuildings, wanting to stay in shape in case he got called up for active duty. I'll ask Mom about it in the morning. We should be able to do something with that."

John leans his head back into my lap, twisting his neck enough for me to kiss him. "Good plan... something we can do together. You probably know my workout as well as I do by now."

We share a companionable silence, sipping beer and enjoying the night sky. Then my breath catches, as I happen to turn my head and look toward the north.

"John, look up and to your right."

I hear a sharp intake of breath from him that matches mine. "Is that what I think it is?"

"Yeah... northern lights. Pretty spectacular show."

"I'll say! Amazing colors. And it seems to be shimmering... or I've had one too many beers."

"No, you're right. It is... this is a pretty vibrant display. Sometimes you just get a hint of color. We're pretty far south for it."

Shepard twists around to get a better view of the lights, resting his arm on my knee. "I've seen some impressive skies on some of the planets we've visited. Didn't expect something like this on Earth." After a long pause, he continues. "Can you see this from Vancouver too?"

"Sometimes. Probably more so now that there's not as much light pollution in the urban area. If you get out of town with a clear view to the north, yeah not too uncommon. Why?"

He pulls his gaze from the light show to meet my eyes. "I was just thinking about what you said this afternoon... and yesterday, I guess. About maybe finding a place around Vancouver. I'd like being able to look out at night sometimes and see _this_."

I rest a hand against his cheek, once again touched by his concern for what I might want. 

"John, we don't have to decide that right now. I want you to be sure about things before we decide where to live. I want it to be where _you_ want to live, a place to come home to when we're not off on some mission or another. You've never had a real home."

He turns his head to kiss my fingers, and then takes my hand in his. I feel that kiss touching more than just my fingertips. His eyes search mine before he replies. "I've told you this before. I just want to be with you. I want to live in a place that means something to you... someplace that makes you happy, that feels right to you." 

"Are you sure? You haven't seen much of Earth yet... not even much of Canada."

He kisses me then, his fingers sliding up into my hair as he touches his forehead to mine. I feel like I could lose myself in his eyes. 

"Kaidan, I'm very sure. I want whatever your heart wants."

______________________________

 

It's full light again when John wakes up. 

We'd stayed outside a long time, mesmerized by the flicker of the aurora. When we finally came in to go to bed, both of us had more on our minds than sleep. 

I woke up early again. It's the curse of this bedroom, I guess. I'm just stepping out of the shower when I see him getting out of bed, stretching. There's a bird outside the window that has been making a racket since before I got up. John goes to the window, peering out, trying to locate it.

He's still standing by the desk when I finish towel-drying my hair and cross the room to stand behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist and kissing his neck. 

"Kaidan... you were up early again. And busy, it looks like. This is beautiful." 

I thought I'd put away this morning's drawing, but there's no doubt that he's found it. 

"I know this place. And it looks just like this... that lighthouse we found in Vancouver. Even the colors..."

"West Vancouver lighthouse. Yeah. We hiked out to see it. Beautiful place."

I rest my cheek against John's shoulder, remembering. That had been a good day... after seeing so much destruction, to get to see the lighthouse intact and the beacon still working. 

"I'm wondering about something, Kaidan. Didn't you say that you usually draw from a model or a view? Like the orchard or something? This one..."

John feels warm and solid against me as I turn him in my arms, meeting his eyes... clear and blue and full of love.

"Sometimes I can draw from memory... or from the heart."

_____________________________________________________

 

 


End file.
